Birds above ~

Pretty keen to post this photo and I don't know why.

Respect?

Sometimes, you just feel like you want to burst into tears, shout and just cry all loud.

Maybe, that time is now. Maybe, that time happens to be everyday.

I’m the eldest child in the family and I assume it is not strange if sometimes (actually all the time), I control my temper. But then, there are times when you feel that you can’t anymore handle it and just break out.

It’s hard to express but I don’t want to go thoroughly to the main occurrence.

The thing of respect is something exchangeable. At everytime in my life, I imply respect. To those who don’t see that, I’d presume I don’t mean anything to them. But very hopeful most of the time, I try to be optimistic and think that things are happening for a reason and it’s just a matter of time! Sooner or later, I’ll tell myself that respect has been given back to me. But after such long wait, it isn’t yet, or shall I proclaim, it wasn’t, it won’t. After all, the give and take process isn’t followed.

I’m just a daughter; to give respect and earn one is essential. I tried to be very supplementary and be a good one most of the time. Sometimes, I commit mistake and I suppose it is inevitable! But then again, why in everything must I commit every mistake? I’m not fully strong, I admit. And my emotional weakness just quenches me. Why am I not appreciated? Why am I the only mistake? Why shouldn’t I be remembered? Things that I always ask and still haven’t got any clue why I am still asking. As a resolution to this agony, I keep myself detached and enjoy my wonderland, my room. But then, emotional aberration isn’t curable as other physical infirmity. Maybe, I was slapped many times but the words that were implanted are much painful.

THE BUCKET LIST

I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS POST SO MUCH! I'M EXCITED!
THIS WILL BE THE PART ONE THOUGH AND AS TITLE SAYS, IT'S MY WAIT FOR IT...!
THE BUCKET LIST
This will be in general so expect weird things (I'm sorry)

• TO FINISH MY STUDIES

This is an ultimate, superb, prerequisite thing in my life. I don't know how will I get through life without studies even though I blame it for giving me so much stress.

• TO BUY MAMA AND PAPA A CAR

I know Papa wants a Nissan Patrol. I'm just not too sure what my Mum wants but she kept on telling me to treat her during my first ever payday. :)
And yes, it is my duty to provide them! It's not that I'm obliged to but as the eldest child, that's just one of the ways I could show them how much I am thankful for their patience and everything! I love my parents even though sometimes, I feel like.. I'm just gonna end it there. :)

• TRAVEL!

I shall blog further about this because I've been thinking about this since a long time ago! Just briefly, here are the places I want to go.
- PARIS, FRANCE
- NEW YORK
- ENGLAND
- SPAIN
- ITALY
- KOREA
- HONG KONG
- SINGAPORE
- I'LL MAKE THIS TOPIC THOROUGH ON MY OTHER BLOG!

• RIDE A ROLLER COASTER

I'M ACROPHOBIC. That explains it! Before, we had a field trip and one of the challenges there is to bungee jump from 20M high tree to the ground. First, I thought it's gonna be easy but when I'm on the exact place.. Crap, I don't know! My friends told me that I turned very pale and as far as I remember, it took me half an hour to jump from that platform. After that thought, I felt so proud of myself. I conquered one of my greatest fears, at least.
Next in line is to ride a roller coaster. I've never actually ridden an actual roller coaster. My friends like theme parks and I really feel so outcast whenever they are excited to ride a roller coaster. Unfortunately, I don't. Pretty funny but I am really scared! I know, I'm missing out so much in life and soon enough, I'm gonna regret that but as much as I am willing to, this ride a roller coaster in my bucket list will be ticked off.

• PHOTOSHOOT!

I've blogged about this once, haven't I? Anyway, I'm really amazed with photos that I want to conduct my own photoshoot! Yaaay! It should be fun 'cause photography is just one of the topics I love to deal with! So then, before anything else, I'd love to have a photoshoot!

• DO A CHARITY WORK!

This is what I've always wanted to do that's why I am aiming to be a doctor. Other than that though, I want to be a doctor by heart. :)
I am very lucky for what I have and had. Perhaps this is the only way I can thank the universe and Him for all the blessings. Also, making someone happy is priceless to me, what more if I could do it to many?

• TO PROVIDE MYSELF MY OWN CAR

As you may see, it says "provide myself". Parents may have given me but still, I want to have a car which I paid from my own pocket, my own money, my own effort.

(to be continued....)

I’m off to read “Tirra Lirra by the River” (ugh) but then I decided to hop in to my blog for a while.

CHANGE — I know it’s a simple word.

If we commit mistakes, we always say that I’m or she’s gonna or he’ll change. But then after all, do we really change for the better? or just change?

I don’t know! Perhaps depending on ones environment.

When we grow up (literally and mentally), don’t we change? Maybe that’s the change others are looking for. But I’m afraid to say that some hasn’t yet. They’re still stuck with the madness of childhood or probably still can’t because of some “special” reason (I know a person who is like this but at the same time subtly brags about her being a childlike in the family because she’s the only blaaah or people are gonna get mad at him/her or that she has no priority but studies {as if the last thing is true. Makes me wanna say what the $%^&*()}).

This idea just came up to me while talking to a friend. And once and for all, I’ll say this: MY BLOG POSTS ABOUT HATRED ARE NOT BECAUSE I AM INSECURE.

I don’t know how other people can handle immaturity.

Maybe I should talk further about this topic as soon as I reach that level of adulthood and update myself of what are the changes I’ve had in myself. But for now, I can’t explain exactly what is going on in my mind. I’m sorry.

Finished

I have so many things to blog about. Unfortunately, I don't know how to start with each of them.

Things are preposterous enough for me to comment on this certain something (I can't call it an issue). I have always been into this sort of thing since and I've never spoken about anything about it.

Firstly, I would like to clear out that this person had rarely given an effort to connect with me. In fact, it's almost always me who makes a way for us to talk or whatever. With that, who would be motivated to keep going to "what has been talked about before?" No one, I suppose.

Secondly, I don't want to cause any discomfort to this person again that is why I had not told anything regarding the termination of my feeling. I know, I am a little bit unfair with this but what's my choice?

I've talked to this person after reading a thing he posted on Facebook and told him afterwards the exact truth and what I disliked about what happened. I explained a bit and bloody hell, what I got in return were bloody dramas. To be honest, it irritated me. What is the point of answering a very unrelated thing to a serious problem?! Let me get this to the very point. I told myself to not publicize anything private but I just realized, it has been what that person was doing to me for a while. I told him that everything that happened including what he posted on Facebook nettled me at some sort. And that person's answer was "Sorry, I am a frustrated writer" and other answers went like that. How does that make sense to our conversation?!!!! Honestly, I didn't want to hear that drama! What I wanted to hear was an opposition or whatever reaction. But fine, I just went to the flow. I kept on telling about what I am feeling with his statements to the post and to the "relationship". Then I felt this massive vex and if I don't pull it out my chest, I'm gonna burst. I continually typed what I am feeling and he responded with "Fine! We're on our own now.. blah blah blah... BYE." I JUST FELT SO DEVASTATED WHEN THAT BYE CAME NOT BECAUSE THE THING HAS BEEN CLOSED (APPARENTLY) BUT THERE ARE THINGS I STILL WANT TO SAY AND I DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO SPEAK ABOUT OTHER THINGS.

Oh well! I'm good now. I blogged about it and for some reason, I felt relieved! I know people will judge but at least, I have already made my point. And if they feel like I'm nothing but a bitch, talk to me perhaps so they'd know. I didn't really expect and I DON'T WANT to have this bitchy tone while writing this (my apologies for that) but it happened.