Why?

You never take time to click my name on the chatbox and talk to me.
It's heartbreaking. Yes, it very much is.

I thought I've forgotten you and then you usually appear to be online and I miss you.

I wrote that as a draft. That whole bit up there but now I'm thinking... Oh, I should probably not give a crap.

Aspire!

It has been a long day. Well, it's actually not but it seems to be. I was just taking a break from doing my school stuff. And I'm pretty sure, it will be a pretty long night. It always is, by the way and to be honest.

I was walking with two of my friends a while ago and we were just talking about our future, our dreams, what do we want for our kids (though I don't want to be married for now neither on the future but we'll see) and just mainly about the future. One said, he doesn't want himself to just be something. And he doesn't want his kids to just be someone who took apprenticeship or something below that. No one wants to. I was just wondering, why do people settle for something for an "Yeah, I'll be alright with working full time on the department store." NO. Is it laziness? Is it because they don't believe themseleves? Or is that because striving hard is just too hard? I don't know but all I know is that, I'm challenged. I'm challenged, I'm having a hard time but I'm striving hard, very hard not to mention. Why? Not only for the reason that I want to be a professional or I want to be known as "The Tine" but because I want to prove to myself that I conquered the whole bloody 4 or maybe 5 years OH NO, 16 years in total and it's all paying. I'M STRONG. I WILL BE.

Not enough

Another rant. I have loads of schoolwork and other things to stress about. Saying that, I just thought: you don't wanna work hard, might as well do a course with a simple requirement. Yes, I'm seeing myself even further. that I don't really need a job that I will only fail because of my laziness. It's annoying. My actions annoy me but what can I do? I tried to change, many times and still, I'm stuck on this.

Drift

I hate the cliché quote that people just come and go in your life. I don't think they just come and go. I think they come and choose whether they will stay or go. I can't be sure with any of what I just said. Quite ironic, isn't it? But I guess if I leave a person's life, I leave it for a reason.

Damn, whilst writing this post, I just realised, many people apparently left me. They did! And for what reason? I don't know. Maybe they got sick of me, they got bored, they never wanted me, they used me, who knows? But I still feel no regrets for having them. They have become one of the best bits of my life. But if ever we become close again, I'll just let myself go with the flow but never treat them as if we were still that old close friends. Actually, that's one of my diseases. I couldn't let go of a friendship easily. But I think I'm healing now. I am now good at neglecting people who walked pass my life.

I'd like to thank though those who left me. You guys made me realise the real friendship and how it has to have the actual worth. Thank you for letting me learn! I will miss you all.

Day 8 - Your Favourite Internet Friend

For me, she's not just an internet friend, she's not just a friend either. She's a person who I can turn into -- ups, downs, in whatever spot of my roller coaster life. Hello, Owrie! It has been 3 years and I never had that reticent moment with you. We share secrets and nothing else in the world can deny that you are one of my best friggin', hot, smokin' friend.

I will always be here, Beb. Thanks for the friendship and everything. I miss you! :*

Love,
Beb.

Day 7 - Your ex-boyfriend, love, crush

I totally forgot that I entered this challenge! But this is a good comeback. :)
Ex-lover? I can't really tell if he's an ex. I can't make it sure to myself that I don't feel anything for him and neither can I confirm that I have moved from it. Just to be sure for this post though, I think what I'm feeling is nothing. Well, not nothing at all. I feel plain and fine. I'm not into that stuff but in case something gets back, then maybe I'll feel it again (or he will). But yea, I'm going to write about that person. I'll call him Kay.

Hi, Kay! I miss you and I miss you a lot. I blogged about you last time, have you seen it? Yea, you haven't but that's okay. But for the record, not a single neither a thousand even a million blog posts can express how much I am deeply under your spell and not even a single word can explain how much grief I feel for myself, for not giving us a chance. It was a mistake I would never ever ever forget and will always regret. I love you seems to be a cliché but I don't care, I love you.
Damn, have I been showing superb drama here?

I wish some time, maybe if we were really meant together, you will and fate will find our way. I don't wanna talk about the "if not"bit. I don't know how to approach you, I don't know how to talk to you anymore. But if it's really not for us, I'll be happy for you. I miss you. I miss the before. I miss us. I'll miss you. Let destiny hold this for us. BUT I'LL PRAY.

'Til here, AAA. ☺