Defining size? Size is a definition?

I was checking out Huffington Post (one of my favourite site) to read some stuff. I came across this articles that talks about one's physical size. Read, thought, reflected.

I am 5" in height and about 42 kilograms heavy. I always say that I'm fat.. stuff like that! When I turned 16, my weight became a big deal to me. Why? Let's just say that I had my internal insecurities and I became scared of the judging society. 

Now that I am 18, I probably had one of the most tremendous realisations in life - I should not care of how small I am, I should have too much of insecurity.

Physically, I look so thin but whenever I face the mirror, what I always see is my swollen stomach. That mentality was wrong. I was so depressed because I was close to being 'stout.' I mean, who attracts stout? Who likes stout people? I WAS WRONG. I admit and I apologise to those who I have offended with my old thinking.I should care about what's going inside that tummy instead of what people might think of it. If that didn't make sense, what I'm trying to say was health over the tangible bit of the body is more important.

I used to feel a little awkward whenever being with my high school batch mates because I am usually the smallest. Sometimes, I feel ashamed of attending events because I won't get recognised because I am so short.

One time, I went to a fast food place to buy something to eat. Someone was in front of me, I was waiting at the back and then at the back of me was a pretty big man. It was my turn, I wonder why the cashier didn't serve me but served the man behind me. Then I realised, he didn't see me. I felt like walking away out of anger that time but I did not because I needed food! After serving the man behind me, only then he saw me. He apologised but I still feel a little annoyed. I was quite disappointed by the cashier but on top of that, I was much disappointed with what I look like.

After too much insecurity, reflection and self-exploration, then I realised: yes, I should care of what others think of me but I have to be myself in every possible way that I can. I am small, okay?

But hey, I've got brains and above everything, awesome mind and positive attitude are the most important.

People may have a small amount of right to judge but no one could ever define us by just looking at us.

Bullying can never and will never put us down because we are happy. YES, WE ARE HAPPY.

I'm lazy.

I know, I am! And it's annoying me. Haha!
What has been happening to me?

1.) I'm gonna study a certificate in a college this year. It's part-time. I'm a bit scared but it should be fine, I suppose.

2.) I chose Communications as my degree. It's not final (WHAT IS FINAL TO ME?) but I think it is for me. I just have to take time and do stuff in it and see how I goes.

3.) I'm 18 now! I'm happy. I think it was quite a tradition that people change or think like they're different when they turn 18. I'm not really sure if I'm under a transition or I'm still living like I was 16, 17. I'm happy though about it because I can do stuff I couldn't do when I was younger.

4.) I'm gonna bleach my hair again. The first time I've tried it with a friend days ago, it didn't quite work, although, I liked the outcome. Next week, I'm bleaching it again and apply colour purple.

5.) Magazines attract me so much especially my favourite "Frankie."

I'm really looking forward to meeting new people and doing so much this year.

Bye! :)

Bridget Jones

I just finished watching Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. It was the second film of the sequel Bridget Jones. As I've watched the first one, I didn't dig much deep enough to know and go through the characters but as soon as I finally had the chance to finish the second one, I find the characters really, very, fully interesting.

(c) Flickfacts.com

First stop: Daniel Cleaver (played by Hugh Grant)
Of course, Hugh Grant. What else can we say? With the sexy British accent and very endearing tone, I don't think anyone would be able to resist this boss. However, I don't think those women who look for true, long-lasting and serious love fit for Cleaver. Cleaver is not the man who would be contented sleeping with one lady. Yes, he is just after s*x. To be honest, I don't understand those just-after-sex people and since I don't thoroughly understand them, I'm not going to talk about it.

Secondly, Bridget Jones (played by Renéé Zellweger)
The main character, the socially awkward, the Bridget Jones. Bridget Jones is quite an awkward being, an unsettled woman who thinks and overthinks about almost everything in life. Whenever the film shows that she is heartbroken or feeling down, she just does nothing but get fat and be as broke as she could be. Sometimes, a little positive but most of the time NOT. I personally think that I've been through this but I'm looking forward to being positive all the time. Spending time with yourself, just feeling depressed can sometimes cause you to be smarter that what you usually were.
Bridget is a shy type, and almost filled with slip-up in the movie. But it makes her up - the awkwardness, the overthinking and the mistakes made her a little more intelligent than what she was.

Thirdly and the point of this post: Mark Darcy (played by Colin Firth)
Colin Firth - I just realised that he is cute. Mark Darcy - I just realised that he is an ideal man, my ideal man. Nothing beats a man in a suit with a degree and an awesome, heart-melting smile (for me). He's just perfect, ya know? I think if I'm gonna have a man in my life, I would choose the one who's alike him - of course, the suit and the smile. Mark Darcy is a patient and loving boyfriend. There was this scene in the movie where he was saying "I love you" to Bridget almost in front of a group of teenagers yelling "lame" at him. To be honest, I'll also feel a bit unsettling in that position like what Mark felt. But whatever! What the heck? He just took the risk and even shouted "I love you" just to talk to Bridget. This Mark Darcy is truly irreproachable. I hope this type of man exists.

Changes: Bring it on, 2013!

It’s the New Year (Like 7 days ago but still…) I’m not going to talk about my resolution or whatever you may call it (I don’t usually follow them anyway). Instead, I am going enumerate the (hopefully) changes that I am planning to do this 2013!

First on the list and the most that I prioritise is.. I’m not going to let anything or anyone ‘cause me mental distress again (University stuff is exempted). But also, I won’t stress myself even more even though the point when I’m fully breaking down comes.

Physical Changes!

Changing the colour of my hair, I think I’ve announced this one to everybody. Other teenagers are like, I’m gonna bleach my hair today ‘cause I feel like it and I am like: this tremendous event needs a 3-month preparation!

Changing style, maybe? Old old me, can’t make it to the trend. I’ll try to mix and match, be myself with what I wear and make it possible to have awesome attire EVERYDAY.

Nails! Update them as soon as one gets broken.

Be more healthy, of course. Being fit and fab is something that everyone wants!

Update this blog more, of course. And finally, keep awesome people and things coming.

Coolio, are you?

You’re cool. What does this phrase really mean to me? Mean to us? Personally, I think being ‘cool’ is something extraordinary. Extraordinary in my eye, of course! Maybe helping someone in a good way or figuring out something in a not so easy way. Yep, they’re cool. I just don’t understand why other people think they are one when they actually hurt or step on other’s foot. Let me share you a story. I’m not sure if it’s lame but that event was the one that provoked me to think about this.

The other day, we (me and the fam without dad) went to the Plaza to grocery shop and buy some awesome stuff. My sister bought the Harry Potter collection and I bought some chocolate. Yaay! After buying those, my sister bought the ingredients she needs for her Home Economics practical assessment. I decided to stay outside the grocery shop because I was asked to look after the other things we bought. I sat there alone. Bored. So I stood up! Oh, an ice cream shop 7 steps from where I was sitting. I bought cookies and cream, a happy kid indeed! When I came back to where I was sitting, a family (mother, daughter, son [I’m assuming they are siblings]) came to have a seat. The girl was about 7 years old and the boy was probably 10. He looked condescending so it made me think that he’s the elder one. Before leaving to go inside the grocery shop, the mother told the two to not shout and don’t ever fight. She left. Both of them were holding a plastic bag. The boy took out a pair of ballet flats; the girl reacted and shouted, “Hey! They’re mine! The boy didn’t do anything. Actually he did! He moved closer to where his sister was sitting. I think it was on her arm? He hit her. And using those pair of ballet flats, he hit her in the head. The girl just kept on shouting on him. He said, “Give me my shirt!” (since the girl was holding a plastic bag with his shirt) She gave it in exchange for her shoes. He held the shirt in his hands but didn’t give the shoes. He went back to his seat holding the flats. She kept on screaming. The boy dropped the shoes on the floor and told his sister. “Look! I don’t have it!” Scream. Scream. Scream from her. He picked up the shoes and using that, he just continually hit her. After every hit, I can sense, he’s trying to look at me so proud as if saying, “Hey, look at me. I’m suuuuuuuuh cool hitting her.” Everytime he tries to appear in my eyes, I deflect my view. NO. YOU ARE NOT COOL. What makes you think that you are some BADASS being so awesome violating your sister’s right to just be silent on the side? Seeing that, I started to question the mother – how did you raise these children? I probably asked the wrong question. How did the society, the people around them define what’s to be proud or not? Disrespectful much? PLEASE. NO.

I’m lucky (like what I always say). Even though I have a brother who’s nearly like that, he’s still a good man. Even though I have this huge gap between me and my parents, I know that I was raised really well and taught how to act privately and publicly. I know I’m that “Hey, I’m cool” person but not in a way that that boy has shown. And even though I know that I am a little bit annoying (I feel it myself!) I know, somehow, I’m cool in my own way.

I love my cool friends – they always there for me, I know that even I annoy them, I still find myself being in that position where I am advised by them and majority of them are God-fearing people. I love my cool sister. She does the same – being with me through ups and downs, taking a photo with our seedy/wacky/whatever face and letting me know that I’m loved.

Aspire!

It has been a long day. Well, it's actually not but it seems to be. I was just taking a break from doing my school stuff. And I'm pretty sure, it will be a pretty long night. It always is, by the way and to be honest.

I was walking with two of my friends a while ago and we were just talking about our future, our dreams, what do we want for our kids (though I don't want to be married for now neither on the future but we'll see) and just mainly about the future. One said, he doesn't want himself to just be something. And he doesn't want his kids to just be someone who took apprenticeship or something below that. No one wants to. I was just wondering, why do people settle for something for an "Yeah, I'll be alright with working full time on the department store." NO. Is it laziness? Is it because they don't believe themseleves? Or is that because striving hard is just too hard? I don't know but all I know is that, I'm challenged. I'm challenged, I'm having a hard time but I'm striving hard, very hard not to mention. Why? Not only for the reason that I want to be a professional or I want to be known as "The Tine" but because I want to prove to myself that I conquered the whole bloody 4 or maybe 5 years OH NO, 16 years in total and it's all paying. I'M STRONG. I WILL BE.

The Opposite of Me: Insight

Since I'm engaging myself to books now, I've just decided to share about something I feel with this book I just read recently.

The Opposite of Me by Sarah Pekkanen (My first ever owned book)
It is a kind of chick lit, family-oriented type of novel. First, I thought it's gonna be boring but as I  turn every page, it feels like, I need to read every part because I'll miss out something if I didn't, the feeling of excitement as you read chapter by chapter just gets into a reader's nerve.

The narrator is Lindsey Rose, a workaholic, smarty 29-year old woman. She has a twin sister, a fraternal one. Lindsey feels so much different and detached from her twin, Alex. At one point, they fell in love with the same guy. (This is pretty spoiling but the way they cope with it could probably be the surprise.)
On the latter part, something happened that changed Lindsey.

A great book for woman, for sisterhood, for family, for relationship, for making a choice. I felt Lindsey's situation as the book introduced her: a woman with an occasional sleep, always focusing on work and everything else. She impressed me during the intro. And as the story goes.... reaching the end, she impressed me more. Sacrificial love would always be the best, and that is what she exactly did.

The story put me to the exact condition of what's happening. I felt a bit emotional at some parts. I knew the ending would be like how it actually ended in the story (to an extent).
As I've said before, people will bestow their sympathy to Alex but for me, Lindsey still deserves everything. The only thing that hindered this idea perhaps is the absolute kindheartedness of Lindsey. But all in all, I'm pretty satisfied with the ending.