What Do I Really Want To Do?

Time when I have to decide which career I shall take will soon come. I am eyeing to something but I still want to do other things than that.

I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR.
The actual goal. I will help those kids who have cancer and I will cure my patients to the fullest that I can. I couldn't talk more 'cause I know I'll end up doing this.

I WANT TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER/ARTIST.
A professional one. I always talk about this, that I am into taking photographs, capturing moments and all that sort of thing. This track is way too far from Health Science though but as early as now, I've been trying to learn stuff about cameras. Yaaaayks! Which is really great 'cause in that way, I need not spend more time in the future learning this stuff.


I WANT TO BE A JOURNALIST.
The former dream. Not good at writing anyway so I guess it was a better idea not to choose this path. And besides, I could be the journalist of my own way through blogging! ♡ Maybe wanting to be a journalist is just more of being "I WANT TO BE THIS" rather that "I'M GOOD AT THIS." Did that make sense? So like what I've said, I wanted to be a journalist but deep down, I know I won't excel 'cause I'm not a good writer. I could be a reader but I'm just not too sure if that would help. Maybe this is really not for me.


I WANT TO SPEAK FRENCH.
FRENCH MAJOR/INTERNATIONAL STUDIES. Weew, perhaps this is the other side of me. Like my friend had said, "the edge of life" and learning how to speak French, is part of it! :)


I WANT TO BE IN THEATER.
Even just a production staff or something else, I'd love to be a part of it. I ALWAYS WISH I COULD SING.  ('cause I'm a super fan of broadway) Contrastingly, I was given the talent to dance and I'm very happy about that!




If only I can do multiple courses at once, then I won't be this puzzled on what to do in the future. :(

To…..

I know you won’t get the chance to read but just so you know, I  wish I didn’t turn you down before.

Siguro ‘yung preamble na lang muna ang English ngayon.

Minsan, actually madalas kong naiisip na pinagsisihan ko na hindi ka/tayo napagbigyan ng pagkakataon. Na dapat pala ganito, ganyan e’di sana ganito na tayo (eh sabi mo nga, 2 years na sana). Ano nga kaya no?

Minsan parang nauuntog na lang ako dun sa mga maling desisyon na nagawa ko dati pero sabi nga nila, walang dapat pagsisihan sa nakaraan. Tama nga naman. Pero hindi ko pa rin talaga maiwasan na isiping ang tanga tanga ko lang.

Masaya sana ako ngayon at hindi nagboblog ng ganito kung inisip ko ‘yung dapat ginawa ko noon.

Napapasaya mo ako eh. Oo, hindi ikaw ‘yung perpekto, gwapo at kung anu ano pero the way na napapangiti mo ako, ayun lang eh, ang saya ko na. :) Ayun naman talaga ‘yung parang pinaka turn on sa’kin eh. :) Ano pa ba? Caring, kahit medyo isip bata, oks na.

Una, gusto kong mag thank you kasi kahit medyo sad ending ang labas natin, hindi ka nagbago sa’kin! Nalulungkot lang ako na parang kapag nag-uusap tayo, hindi ka ‘yung ganun kainteresado tulad ng dati pero hindi kita masisisi, ano bang magagawa ko? Hindi rin naman ako magbabago sa’yo eh. Kung pwede lang na maghintayan tayo eh, bakit hindi? Eh kaso, magiging mahirap sa lagay mo eh at ayoko naman nung parang wala kang kalayaan kasi naghihintay ka. At thanks kasi kahit papaano, napapansin mo pa naman ako.

Sorry naman sa lahat. Sorry kasi ayun nga, mali ‘yung ginawa ko dati, na parang iniwan kita sa ere, na parang napaasa kita. Lahat ‘yun, pinagsisisihan ko. :( Pero wala naman akong magagawa eh, ang pwede ko na lang magawa eh ang maging masaya para sa’yo. Pero kung sakaling mabigyan ulit tayo ng chance, hinding hindi ko na sasayangin ‘yun.  HINDING HINDI.

Natutuwa ako kasi kahit ang layo ko, andun pa rin ‘yung nasasabi mo at nasasabi ko na miss na natin ang isa’t isa, ganyan ganyan. Pero nakakalungkot din kasi alam natin pareho nakakahinayang ‘yung dati.

Hindi ko naman alam kung matutuwa ba ako o malulungkot kapag nagkakausap tayo nung tungkol sa’tin kasi hindi ko sure kung biro ba ‘yun o totoo. Sana totoo. Pero basta, ang alam ko, kinikilig ako kasi hindi mo ako kinakalimutang pakiligin. :”> ‘Yung mga simpleng “sana andito ka” o kaya, “malapit lang ‘yung school mo sa school ko, sayang”, eh nakakakilig na.

Hindi lang siguro eto ‘yung post tungkol sa’yo. Marami pa. :(

Haaaay. Pero sabi nga nila, if it’s meant to be, it’s gonna happen. Kung meant to be talaga ang dalawang tao para sa isa’t isa, hanggang sa huli, sila pa rin. SANA. SANA TALAGA.

Namimiss na kita, miss na miss. ☹

Birds above ~

Pretty keen to post this photo and I don't know why.

Respect?

Sometimes, you just feel like you want to burst into tears, shout and just cry all loud.

Maybe, that time is now. Maybe, that time happens to be everyday.

I’m the eldest child in the family and I assume it is not strange if sometimes (actually all the time), I control my temper. But then, there are times when you feel that you can’t anymore handle it and just break out.

It’s hard to express but I don’t want to go thoroughly to the main occurrence.

The thing of respect is something exchangeable. At everytime in my life, I imply respect. To those who don’t see that, I’d presume I don’t mean anything to them. But very hopeful most of the time, I try to be optimistic and think that things are happening for a reason and it’s just a matter of time! Sooner or later, I’ll tell myself that respect has been given back to me. But after such long wait, it isn’t yet, or shall I proclaim, it wasn’t, it won’t. After all, the give and take process isn’t followed.

I’m just a daughter; to give respect and earn one is essential. I tried to be very supplementary and be a good one most of the time. Sometimes, I commit mistake and I suppose it is inevitable! But then again, why in everything must I commit every mistake? I’m not fully strong, I admit. And my emotional weakness just quenches me. Why am I not appreciated? Why am I the only mistake? Why shouldn’t I be remembered? Things that I always ask and still haven’t got any clue why I am still asking. As a resolution to this agony, I keep myself detached and enjoy my wonderland, my room. But then, emotional aberration isn’t curable as other physical infirmity. Maybe, I was slapped many times but the words that were implanted are much painful.

THE BUCKET LIST

I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS POST SO MUCH! I'M EXCITED!
THIS WILL BE THE PART ONE THOUGH AND AS TITLE SAYS, IT'S MY WAIT FOR IT...!
THE BUCKET LIST
This will be in general so expect weird things (I'm sorry)

• TO FINISH MY STUDIES

This is an ultimate, superb, prerequisite thing in my life. I don't know how will I get through life without studies even though I blame it for giving me so much stress.

• TO BUY MAMA AND PAPA A CAR

I know Papa wants a Nissan Patrol. I'm just not too sure what my Mum wants but she kept on telling me to treat her during my first ever payday. :)
And yes, it is my duty to provide them! It's not that I'm obliged to but as the eldest child, that's just one of the ways I could show them how much I am thankful for their patience and everything! I love my parents even though sometimes, I feel like.. I'm just gonna end it there. :)

• TRAVEL!

I shall blog further about this because I've been thinking about this since a long time ago! Just briefly, here are the places I want to go.
- PARIS, FRANCE
- NEW YORK
- ENGLAND
- SPAIN
- ITALY
- KOREA
- HONG KONG
- SINGAPORE
- I'LL MAKE THIS TOPIC THOROUGH ON MY OTHER BLOG!

• RIDE A ROLLER COASTER

I'M ACROPHOBIC. That explains it! Before, we had a field trip and one of the challenges there is to bungee jump from 20M high tree to the ground. First, I thought it's gonna be easy but when I'm on the exact place.. Crap, I don't know! My friends told me that I turned very pale and as far as I remember, it took me half an hour to jump from that platform. After that thought, I felt so proud of myself. I conquered one of my greatest fears, at least.
Next in line is to ride a roller coaster. I've never actually ridden an actual roller coaster. My friends like theme parks and I really feel so outcast whenever they are excited to ride a roller coaster. Unfortunately, I don't. Pretty funny but I am really scared! I know, I'm missing out so much in life and soon enough, I'm gonna regret that but as much as I am willing to, this ride a roller coaster in my bucket list will be ticked off.

• PHOTOSHOOT!

I've blogged about this once, haven't I? Anyway, I'm really amazed with photos that I want to conduct my own photoshoot! Yaaay! It should be fun 'cause photography is just one of the topics I love to deal with! So then, before anything else, I'd love to have a photoshoot!

• DO A CHARITY WORK!

This is what I've always wanted to do that's why I am aiming to be a doctor. Other than that though, I want to be a doctor by heart. :)
I am very lucky for what I have and had. Perhaps this is the only way I can thank the universe and Him for all the blessings. Also, making someone happy is priceless to me, what more if I could do it to many?

• TO PROVIDE MYSELF MY OWN CAR

As you may see, it says "provide myself". Parents may have given me but still, I want to have a car which I paid from my own pocket, my own money, my own effort.

(to be continued....)

I’m off to read “Tirra Lirra by the River” (ugh) but then I decided to hop in to my blog for a while.

CHANGE — I know it’s a simple word.

If we commit mistakes, we always say that I’m or she’s gonna or he’ll change. But then after all, do we really change for the better? or just change?

I don’t know! Perhaps depending on ones environment.

When we grow up (literally and mentally), don’t we change? Maybe that’s the change others are looking for. But I’m afraid to say that some hasn’t yet. They’re still stuck with the madness of childhood or probably still can’t because of some “special” reason (I know a person who is like this but at the same time subtly brags about her being a childlike in the family because she’s the only blaaah or people are gonna get mad at him/her or that she has no priority but studies {as if the last thing is true. Makes me wanna say what the $%^&*()}).

This idea just came up to me while talking to a friend. And once and for all, I’ll say this: MY BLOG POSTS ABOUT HATRED ARE NOT BECAUSE I AM INSECURE.

I don’t know how other people can handle immaturity.

Maybe I should talk further about this topic as soon as I reach that level of adulthood and update myself of what are the changes I’ve had in myself. But for now, I can’t explain exactly what is going on in my mind. I’m sorry.

Finished

I have so many things to blog about. Unfortunately, I don't know how to start with each of them.

Things are preposterous enough for me to comment on this certain something (I can't call it an issue). I have always been into this sort of thing since and I've never spoken about anything about it.

Firstly, I would like to clear out that this person had rarely given an effort to connect with me. In fact, it's almost always me who makes a way for us to talk or whatever. With that, who would be motivated to keep going to "what has been talked about before?" No one, I suppose.

Secondly, I don't want to cause any discomfort to this person again that is why I had not told anything regarding the termination of my feeling. I know, I am a little bit unfair with this but what's my choice?

I've talked to this person after reading a thing he posted on Facebook and told him afterwards the exact truth and what I disliked about what happened. I explained a bit and bloody hell, what I got in return were bloody dramas. To be honest, it irritated me. What is the point of answering a very unrelated thing to a serious problem?! Let me get this to the very point. I told myself to not publicize anything private but I just realized, it has been what that person was doing to me for a while. I told him that everything that happened including what he posted on Facebook nettled me at some sort. And that person's answer was "Sorry, I am a frustrated writer" and other answers went like that. How does that make sense to our conversation?!!!! Honestly, I didn't want to hear that drama! What I wanted to hear was an opposition or whatever reaction. But fine, I just went to the flow. I kept on telling about what I am feeling with his statements to the post and to the "relationship". Then I felt this massive vex and if I don't pull it out my chest, I'm gonna burst. I continually typed what I am feeling and he responded with "Fine! We're on our own now.. blah blah blah... BYE." I JUST FELT SO DEVASTATED WHEN THAT BYE CAME NOT BECAUSE THE THING HAS BEEN CLOSED (APPARENTLY) BUT THERE ARE THINGS I STILL WANT TO SAY AND I DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO SPEAK ABOUT OTHER THINGS.

Oh well! I'm good now. I blogged about it and for some reason, I felt relieved! I know people will judge but at least, I have already made my point. And if they feel like I'm nothing but a bitch, talk to me perhaps so they'd know. I didn't really expect and I DON'T WANT to have this bitchy tone while writing this (my apologies for that) but it happened.