Weekend General Update

When did I last blog? I can't remember but the past few days had been a roller coaster ride (inspired by the roller coaster I didn't have the guts to ride on @ Seaworld)

So Thursday? I thought the day would just flow fine. But that's just what I thought. A fight happened and I did nothing but walk on our backyard and just do my schoolworks (actually, procrastinate). I checked out blogs, posted photographs, etc. I have no idea how to solve that problem so I remained just like the usual.

Friday, I woke up at 6. IT'S OUR SEAWORLD TRIP! I know I something yet unsolved was there for me, the problem that occurred the day before that but I told myself to just have fun on the day. I couldn't do anything. The whole day, I was with my friends. As I went home, it feels quiet but everyone treated me fine. I went into my room, just checked my twitter and Facebook account then slept at 7:30 PM. I was quite tired that day and the next day of that, I have somewhere to go.

Saturday, I opened my eyes at 7 AM but got up by 8. My father, brother and sister were watching the opening of London Olympics as I woke up. I missed the one for Australia but I didn't miss the one from Philippines. :) It was good. 8-9, I sorted myself out. From 9, I started to walk from our house to the mall where we were suppose to meet. We ate to where we usually eat and as usual, it was soooo good (except for their sauce, it changed!!!) We had fun, basically! As I went home, there the wrong thing goes. Something I can't explain through this post. I wish though as I am writing this, everything is fine. :(

But I don't think those worries should be a hindrance of my heavy school load. I am not really busy, I am just too lazy to update and accomplish everything.

And myself ~

I really like talking about myself. It's like I can answer a hundred of About Me section on a site.

Hi! Physically? I'm small. I have short but muscle-y legs. I don't consider myself fat but my weight is not entirely proportional with my height (and sometimes, I hate that). But what can I do? Nothing but enjoy it! Sometimes, I really feel inferior that I'm small but usually I just make the most advantage out of it.

Green is my favourite colour and coming next to it is red. And I have many favourite movies. I like Jane Austen, John Green and Neil Gaiman books. I love photography (I'm an aspiring photographer, actually) and I like reading books, too. I like Indie music and sometimes, Hip-hop stuff.

I always appear to be busy, I don't know why. I'm nocturnal and that explains my midnight tweets and other acts. I like clingy people. I think people who think that you are special within their lives are amazing. I like being treated as a close or a best friend but I treat one as my my my best friend.
I'm quite scared of being badly judged. I don't know what has been my orthodox regarding judgments. But usually, I accept them. I'm a pessimist. I always think that I'm gonna fail or I'm gonna drop my grades or our scientific experiment won't work out. High expectations may lead to failure could be one of my excuse why I'm a negative thinker.

I think pictures and letters are priceless. I hate losing. I'm a warrior in the making.

Day 6 - A stranger

I like talking to strangers (but only if they're within my age).

Hi Stranger! I hope we could meet soon, know each other and talk. :) I can't wait for that day. Nothing I can say, really 'cause I'm a stranger to you as well. :)

From Exam

Meeeeeeh. I, with the other hundreds of students did the test I've been talking about before. Sad 'cause I know I won't be able to use it and sad that I'm gonna fail. (Yes, a real pessimist here). I was suppose to take a photo of what I wore but I already removed my shoes as I stepped inside the house. Mehehehe. And with that saying, this is now my official, very updated blog (Does that connect? HAHA).

Today? Did the test. UQ is really an awesome school. From the buildings to the people and the whole thing, I can tell, that's the uni I wanna go (and hopefully will).
Okay, so I think I did this exam for the experience. So far, I'm pretty okay with the course preference but I'm still having a bit of a hesitation to some of them.

That's it for the moment. Ohhh, I still need to do the challenge!

I don't wanna lose it

I hate how much I respect people who can't just let me go and respect me back.
I was pretty pissed right now and I couldn't be any relieved so I had to blog about this.

The event that made pissed me off is too shallow. No, the other person involved who I respect the most is too shallow that I can't take how much miserable I am feeling right now. I wonder how she feels when she speaks very dismissive about me. And with that, I'm telling that this hasn't happened just now, it happened so many times before.

And the fact that that person is part of my family? It just breaks me.

I've posted this photo on my Flickr and Tumblr account.

I was testing some tricks on my camera and did my fave shot, the whip-my-hair shot! It ended up like this:

Yaaayks! Monochrome + some shutter manipulation. I covered my face because I don't like it on that photograph.

Tadaaaa! Such an amateur :(

To Do: July 23

I'm missing school today (NOT FOR VANITY!!!) But because of that Physics I blogged about yesterday.
I really hope that I can be productive today 'cause if not, I'm gonna take the risk of rushing things, pulling time allotted for my sleep AND WORST, FAILING THIS.
But no, that's not gonna happen!

And to start, here I have my timetable for the day.
10AM-12AM: Physics-related stuff.
12AM-1PM : Watch Ellen? Chill or have a shower.
1PM-4PM: UMAT stuff.
4PM-4:30PM: Probably chill? (Men, I told myself before I write this to make time for photoshoot. Fail, as you can see)
4:30PM- potentially 12MN: HARDCORE PHYSICS (but will check blogs, eat between that time)

So, how's that? :)

Same Mistake

No, I'm not gonna talk about 1D's song ( I love it though! =))) )

This post is something about Person B or A (I forgot!). She is nice. And then her friend went away for quite some time then opened up something to me. I don't want to be mean so I just went to the flow of everything, just like how we used to talk. I'm pretty sure she has noticed that I was aloof the past few days. But still, I talked to her, laughed with her, shared stories with her. And now, as the title says "Same Mistake" I did it again. She did it again. Her "BEST FRIEND" came back and I was another piece of rubbish again for her, was set aside and waiting when is she gonna cling to me again. But no, I'm really hoping to not be there for her anymore. She doesn't realize what it is to be ignored, to be just a virtual booty-call. The wrong thing I've done perhaps was I went online on Facebook chat (that's when she started talking to me again.)

Almost a "break"

Hopping on my blog to update it whilst waiting the clock to strike 5:00.

Yaaay. It's almost the end of the weekend. No. Actually, I can't consider this as a "weekend" but I've treated it as a weekend! (If that makes sense?) So here's the thing: I'm suppose to do schoolworks but I end up going almost nowhere and finishing almost nothing. This Physics Assessment is quite killing me. I hate how I am so lazy for everything most especially for studying something by myself (so I wish our teacher would realize how hard it is to do an assessment piece that is barely actually, NOT TAUGHT to us Physics student). But I have no choice but do this. And the aftermath of that choice is something good, something I can prove and brag about to myself. I'm cool. I can do this. The writer of this post can kill that Physics because she's awesome. Yes, she surely is.

Day 5 - Your Siblings

Ohhh. This was the one that I missed.

To the younger peoooopzzzz,

I LOVE YOU, first and foremost. Ate always will. We fight because of simple things, we laugh at stupid stuff, we make funny faces, guess what? That's what we're binding us, the happiness, love and everything.

I really wish you two could achieve whatever you want to be in life. I will support you no matter what. I will try my hardest to protect you.

Love,
Ate.

Indecisive Part 1

Aside from being unable to focally work on my school stuff, my future or should I say what will I be is bugging me at the moment.

I used to dream of only one thing: to be a journalist, a broadcaster or anything in media. From the beginning 'til the end of my HS, I've dreamt of being there. But things change and my dreams changed, too. I want to be a doctor. But some part of me speaks for my old dream. What shall I do? It may sound like but it doesn't look like a heart-vs.-head matter. It's more of a heart-vs.-heart, brain-vs.-brain stuff. Was the double degree created because of this dilemma? Was it really? I wish my mind could work on this very soon. The odd part of this problem is I'm way too excited for this application.

Day 4- Your Dreams

What a nice day to write something about this!

I'm working so hard to have you, you know that. Whatever it takes, I will never surrender into reaching all of you.
I'm sorry if I waste most of the time doing something else instead if giving it into the thing I need to do to achieve you.

We'll meet soon.

Changing: That's Goodbye?

Disclaimer: No love/more-than-friends relationship involved within this post.

A friend always has to be a good listener. But does a listener always have to be a friend?

I've listened to much. Why couldn't I be treated as 'the friend?' Did you just use me? Was I just called because you had no one? Or was I just called because I was the only one? I'm not sure but I'm tired. Tired to be a virtual 'booty call', tired waiting when are you gonna need me, tired between everything in our 'friendship.' Or is it?

I have a story here. Almost the same thing but two different people. Pretty sure I'll be talking about the same people again soon within this blog so I'll assign a codename for them. (Okay, now I just can't think of a codename) Okay, Person A and Person B. Let's say Person A is a boy and Person B is a girl.


Person A was a friend. We understand each other, we feel each other's emotions, we are pretty much almost the same. And that similarity of ours made us closer. Closer. Our talks meant so much to me. All the things I thought I was the only one who has been suffering was also felt by her. The feeling was... great! It's nice -- having someone who could understand you! Until a drama hit me, he wasn't valuing me as much as I value him. I almost thought he was the 'best friend' during those times. I almost thought he cares about me as much as I had. But no, everything I thought was just when-I-have-no-one-to-talk-to situation for him. And whenever I see if he has something to tell or share with me, I always fail to feel I was remembered. And most of the time, I don't see myself being acknowledged as something or anything by that person. It sucks, really. Fact, he was feeling this way as well -- that no one cares about him, that he's the one who reaches people, that he wasn't remembered at times, that he doesn't have anyone at all. Well, what the heck? You feel that because you, yourself do it to others, to me who really cared about you.


Is person B still a friend? Who knows? She came to me a while ago and told me that 'she misses me.' Oh well, what can I say? She actually unfollowed me on twitter. I'm just not too sure if that's intentional. Whenever the other friend is not around, there she calls me. Do I need to elaborate? I believe, yes. She has been my friend, has always been my friend. We confide to each other, we share secrets, almost everything! But why is it that I feel this way?


I'd like to thank the both of you. Thank you for once being a friend. Well, we'll still be friends but I'm not gonna be the one who is a reserve, waiting for you when you need me. Thank you for making me feel so awesome, so grateful of having you as friends.
I'm sorry. Sorry 'cause I won't make it up to the next time. Sorry 'cause I won't be around when you have no one. Sorry 'cause I'm not gonna be reaching upon you anymore.
I wish though that can do all of this.


So, I suppose this covers the entire drama? Bye.

Day 3 - Your Parents

Ma and Pa,
Thank you! Sorry!

I'm sorry. I'm stubborn, I can't be contented, I'm a pain. Sorry for not listening to you. Sorry for not being able to just follow and realize that you, my parents know what is better for me. I'm sorry for being all of these.


I know I've been an insurgent daughter and a miserable person towards you. But after all, you had and have always been there for me. Thank you for not letting me down and accepting me even though I've been a terrible person throughout that span of time. Thank you for always understanding me, for letting me do what I thought would make me happy, for not making me feel like I'm still lucky to have you.


And to the fullest of my ability, I will change for you, for myself, that those mistakes were lessons and I am here, correcting them and going through life with those lessons.


I love you.


The eldest,
CJ ✌

Biglaan talaga 'to

Naiiyak ako, sobra. P!@#$%^&*(. Ang hirap ng taong may laging nanghuhusga sa'yo, nang kahit may konting bagay na gawin ka lang mayroon at mayroon silang masasabi. Malala pa, hindi mo kilala. Pero medyo malayo na 'yung hindi kilala, sabihin na lang natin na kilala nga ako ng konti. Pero isa pa sa mga totoong malala, ang dali kong maguilty sa mga bagay na 'di sigurado. Bwisit lang, 'diba? Ang dami kong problema sa sarili ko.

Kung pwede lang sana na i-unfollow ako, i-unfriend o i-block nila ako, mas magiging okay sa'kin 'yun eh. Eh hindi eh, sa kahit anong paraan, walang mangyayari, andun at andun 'yung makikita nila 'yung post ko at makikita ko 'yung kanila/kanya. 'Wag ka na lang magsalita. Ayun na lang siguro o kaya naman 'wag mo na sabihin online at 'yung tipong mababasa ko pa.

Basta ako, sana 'wag kong mapansin ulit 'yung mga ganitong bagay.

Explore Uni Day At QUT (July 12, 2012)

Forgot to update yesterday 'cause I was really tired - bed then slept straightaway. How's that? :)

So yesterday, we went to QUT for their 'Explore Uni' event. Luckily, I was one who had the chance to go!

From there, I could tell, QUT is a fun place to be for students. I love their accommodating staff and students, the facilities and of course, the freebies! (I haven't tried UQ though. Hihi)

Until now, I still have the what-course-to-take at Uni dilemma but just yesterday, I think I was further enlightened of what I want to do. (But then again, I have to see how it is in UQ. But let's talk about QUT for the moment.)

The course that I most likely want to go in is at QUT and somehow, I take the 'what-I-really-want-to-do' thing into consideration when thinking of what course I should go into. Also, I can study another language there. Yaaay, how exciting! I've always wanted to learn another language (most likely French). But yea, I have a month to decide and 3 months to be able to make it into the course I think I want!

These are the freebies! (the thing I really like about going to Universities.)

This one's really cool. It's a mini notebook.

 And inside.. TAAA-DAAA! Colorful mini doodles!

The booklet of the three departments I wanna go into.

Free tumbler and of course, a bag.

At the end, they gave us a certificate of attendance. Yahoo!

I've learned a lot of things: of what is Uni like and the things that I need to accomplish. I guess, this will serve as a good start for the semester!

Day 2 - Your Crush

Hi! :">
I know you won't get the chance to read this but just so you know, I admire you. I admire you not because you are good-looking or physically attractive but because I just think you have that aura that I was attracted to. Thank you for the short-term inspiration. Good luck with your life!

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

To my best friend, 

No his, no hellos, I miss you.

It's been a long time since we last met. I wonder what changes happened to you. I've missed you.
I hate how we only got the chance to meet once when we had actually been apart for four years. It sucks, you know.
Soon, you're gonna be graduate, a registered nurse and I am very excited for you. No matter what lies ahead, no matter how down or grateful you'll be in the future, I'll be here, always be here.

You're the only one that I have when everyone else run away and seek their own best friends or do stuff within themselves. You're the only one that I have when I thought I had no one. Thank you. And thank you for not letting others take part of my place as your best. Thank you for making me feel so welcomed in your family and to everyone else who's important to you.

I really wish we could be together, see each other everyday, hang out probably. I need you.

I could never say anything more but I love you and you will always be that one person who even though have overshadowed by time, place and any physical impediments, will always be my best friend.

Love,
Your best friend.

30-day Letter Challenge

My tumblr followers (I'm not famous, just a blogger) that I'm really bad at doing challenges. I tend to miss a day or just stop doing it. But now, I really and shall do this one. (Hehehe. Hope I can!)

To Do: July 9

It's Monday again! And as what I've said to my past post, it's another semester and not to mention, the most important one.

Since I really need to be coordinated and time-wise, I've set a time plan for my night and I also told myself that I'm gonna be taking a mini hiatus from other SNS. See, I've received really low marks last term (not actually that low but not seems not enough for me). It really made me feel bad and sad that I blamed myself for not focusing and spending my time wisely.

For today, what I want to accomplish is the first bit of my Physics assessment piece and a bit of Math. Potential bedtime I'd say shall be 12 midnight otherwise I'm gonna suffer another sleep-deprived punishment (just like the usual).

Shall post another thing later, bye for now!

Just began.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another semester (another term for mental destitution) for me.
And today marks the beginning of my SNS hiatus. Not that I'm not gonna update everything but I'm gonna be active updating my blogs.


I just thought some people are obnoxious. I'm not a hater, I think I'm feeling a bit cranky today. But oh well, what can I do, this is how the coordination of my mind and heart works.

That's the bad side. Happy to announce but my motivation for studying is quite coming back! I have a week to finish my Physics assessment and this whole term (3 months?) to prove myself. From tomorrow until August, I'll have 3 very important test: QCS, UMAT and my license. I really hope I could fit everything in. No, I will fit and do my best in everything.

'Til soon!

Holiday

Last Saturday, we went to Movie World and Sea World. Yes, we went to those places in a day.
As usual, I didn't ride on anything 'cause I have this phobia my friends know (Don't know but I feel like not mentioning it. Hehe.)
First stop: Movie World. Looove the shops right there! ♡ And I've finally bought my Batman bag!

Next stop, we watched the Stunt Drivers! Yaaaay. Drifting cars, etc.

I guess this photo is too good to be a drawing.

Dayuuum, who drew this?!

 And the finale, the fire.

 My brother won this hat to a game. Reggae-ish, whaddup?

After Movie World, we've decided to spend the other half of the day to Sea World. We rest for a while, had a little picnic and went to Sea World!

The first thing I saw as we entered was this: Yaaayks! Bikini Bottom!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? :)

 The presence of the fountain made me test the shutter. So there was the one! How did I go?

Sea World currently has this dinosaur thing. I LIKE THE LIGHTS.

After the dinosaurs, we went to see the Dolphin Show. It was actually my 4th time to see that but it doesn't matter, I still enjoyed it!

And after the long day, we head back home. The sky was cool that time. It was almost sunset and the horizon is tad magnificent for that day. Unlucky for me, I didn't get a good shot of it. But after all, I still took a photo! :)

Trying Not To Care Could Be The Best Way

I've had a MS Word-draft of a post but I thought, I'm gonna think again before posting that.
That draft relates to my unending social distress and to this.

I was socially forsaken. I am alone. 
These past few days, actually almost all the time during the past and even now, I've never felt being remembered. Like, that feeling of not really existing from the lives of the people whom you care a lot. Maybe people do if I do the first move. It's just a bit awful -- of how you cared to other people when no one actually remembers you.

Maybe I'm just exaggerating events or probably, I should really be the independent one. I always say I am but now, it's all coming back. As if, I'm really not the person who could live without venting. But that should change, that must change. I will depend on myself from now on, just like the normal thing. I'll still be the same with my friends but won't expect too much support from them. Still, I'll be thankful that I have them in my life and my bind with them won't change.

As for now, what I know is I'll stand by myself and not expect others to care about me. Perhaps keep secrets to myself, in this room where I carry on everything of my being.