12-12-12

(Just assume that I posted this on the 12th of December 2012)
I wrote this on 12-12-12. It was on my desktop and I forgot to put this up here. Bunch of random thoughts.

12.12.12

I just thought, I have to do something different this day (Not put a status or tweet about it though!) Maybe, blog? As all living humans know, this day would be the last that we’d see repetitive dates. I’m glad I’m still alive, I’m glad I witnessed 1.1.1 , 2.2.2 , so on until 12.12.12. (Whilst writing this, I still have no idea what this blog post should be about.)

When I woke up from an afternoon nap, Mum gave me a letter. It’s so fanceeeey. It’s from QUT, what do I expect? It’s from their Engineering department and I was really amazed by it! And now I’m starting about Engineering. Goodness! When am I going to decide?!!!!

Last week was the first birthday of my laptop and 3^rd year of my phone. I would like to thank them for always being there in times of loneliness, pain, anger, etc.

I like this guy. His name starts with R. I shall elaborate this on my next next next post! (But from the day that I wrote this, my feeling slowly became upset).

Coolio, are you?

You’re cool. What does this phrase really mean to me? Mean to us? Personally, I think being ‘cool’ is something extraordinary. Extraordinary in my eye, of course! Maybe helping someone in a good way or figuring out something in a not so easy way. Yep, they’re cool. I just don’t understand why other people think they are one when they actually hurt or step on other’s foot. Let me share you a story. I’m not sure if it’s lame but that event was the one that provoked me to think about this.

The other day, we (me and the fam without dad) went to the Plaza to grocery shop and buy some awesome stuff. My sister bought the Harry Potter collection and I bought some chocolate. Yaay! After buying those, my sister bought the ingredients she needs for her Home Economics practical assessment. I decided to stay outside the grocery shop because I was asked to look after the other things we bought. I sat there alone. Bored. So I stood up! Oh, an ice cream shop 7 steps from where I was sitting. I bought cookies and cream, a happy kid indeed! When I came back to where I was sitting, a family (mother, daughter, son [I’m assuming they are siblings]) came to have a seat. The girl was about 7 years old and the boy was probably 10. He looked condescending so it made me think that he’s the elder one. Before leaving to go inside the grocery shop, the mother told the two to not shout and don’t ever fight. She left. Both of them were holding a plastic bag. The boy took out a pair of ballet flats; the girl reacted and shouted, “Hey! They’re mine! The boy didn’t do anything. Actually he did! He moved closer to where his sister was sitting. I think it was on her arm? He hit her. And using those pair of ballet flats, he hit her in the head. The girl just kept on shouting on him. He said, “Give me my shirt!” (since the girl was holding a plastic bag with his shirt) She gave it in exchange for her shoes. He held the shirt in his hands but didn’t give the shoes. He went back to his seat holding the flats. She kept on screaming. The boy dropped the shoes on the floor and told his sister. “Look! I don’t have it!” Scream. Scream. Scream from her. He picked up the shoes and using that, he just continually hit her. After every hit, I can sense, he’s trying to look at me so proud as if saying, “Hey, look at me. I’m suuuuuuuuh cool hitting her.” Everytime he tries to appear in my eyes, I deflect my view. NO. YOU ARE NOT COOL. What makes you think that you are some BADASS being so awesome violating your sister’s right to just be silent on the side? Seeing that, I started to question the mother – how did you raise these children? I probably asked the wrong question. How did the society, the people around them define what’s to be proud or not? Disrespectful much? PLEASE. NO.

I’m lucky (like what I always say). Even though I have a brother who’s nearly like that, he’s still a good man. Even though I have this huge gap between me and my parents, I know that I was raised really well and taught how to act privately and publicly. I know I’m that “Hey, I’m cool” person but not in a way that that boy has shown. And even though I know that I am a little bit annoying (I feel it myself!) I know, somehow, I’m cool in my own way.

I love my cool friends – they always there for me, I know that even I annoy them, I still find myself being in that position where I am advised by them and majority of them are God-fearing people. I love my cool sister. She does the same – being with me through ups and downs, taking a photo with our seedy/wacky/whatever face and letting me know that I’m loved.

Thinking History - University Dilemma

I wish I was good at everything. That's absolutely impossible, not just for me but for everyone else (but some people just excel on everything, I don't get that but there's a few). I wish I was like that so I could major to whatever I want. Yes. University dilemmas - why? :(

I think this blog post will contain pretty much what I've decided to do and my thinking history about everything in University. I have been accepted to my 2nd choice university. Yaaaap, SECOND. :( Then I'm gonna wait and see how my application to the university I've been dreaming of go.

I chose the double degree as my first preference. I'm pretty happy with it, however, WHAT TO MAJOR? Even though I wish to be a journalist, I don't think I have the capacity and patience to write, write and write. I'm bad at that. You can ask my English teacher, I am always in that 'just passed' mark. Why? Oh, why? I can take Mass Communication but the thing is, it's fixed mixed with Journalism. Knowing that, I took the alternative. Not actually an alternative but it appears to be one. FILM. Hey, it's still Media! Howevssss, I still think that I'm going to gain more success in Journ and MassComm. because it's such a diverse course.

If I don't get in to my first choice, then just take whatever that's already there - Nursing/Behavioural Science. Then maybe, explore for quite a bit? If I don't like it, why not move? It can't hurt and besides, why won't I risk one or two years if I know that this journey is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life?
I need to pray.

Coming Back

I forgot to be active. Something is wrong with me! This blog is my primary blog and this where I am supposed to be more active than any of my other blogs. I'm upset of myself, isn't that crazy?

What's been happening to me? Oh well, nothing much. I'm now on my second week to the last of my high school. Isn't that great yet sad? That's life - transitions and changes, I couldn't get rid of them, however, I'm glad they're constantly occurring. :) I'm doing my last assignment, yes I so bloody am! And I'm not gaining any progress. Hahahaha! Of course, I'm gonna leave it at the end and then pull all nighters - that's the way. Counting days to go, it's the graduation! 2 days after, it's the FORMAL! Yaaay! I'm even more excited for the formal, how's that? I should be active. I'm gonna be serious and then post photographs with the happenings in my life.

Bye!

Starting to Think

I'm starting to think about different stuff that let's say, suits me.
Here are the two that I'm kinda engaged into at the moment.

I'm starting to think about putting some summer-y jewel-ish coloured nail polish.

This colour is my favourite. ♡

I'm also starting to think that braids fit me.

A simple plat my friend did.

The "Katniss Everdeen Braid." Love this braid. I wish though my hair has a different colour for this braid to be visibly seen.

And this braid which I did myself *proud one here!* is the fish braid. Likewise, I wish my hair has a different shade.

I have a verrrr long hair and this is the only time that I made something out of it. Since it's the holidays, I started to try something new -- I google most of the time some cute hairstyle, simple buns, even the hard ones. I just hope things can work for me. SUMMER! =)))

Holidays and Goals

It’s the holidays!

I don’t think holidays need to be memorable but things that happened to me during the past holidays seem to be something I could not forget.

I had my very first panic attack. It was during my Year 11 summer holidays. I was a lazy bum and that probably happened to be the reason why I had it. I was just on my bed the whole time watching TV series. The second week (as far as I remember), I got a massive headache. I think I took 3 Panadols that day ’cause that headache won’t leave me alone. Then I felt like my legs are not okay, I couldn’t even walk! My muscles are like lousy and *adjective like that*. The night when I had it, I felt like I’m gonna die, like I don’t wanna sleep because I won’t live another life tomorrow. It sucked.  That was my story. And after that event, I decided to be healthy *OWWWWWW*. I usually walk nowadays and eat a balanced diet.

And for this holidays, I just thought, I need to accomplish stuff (ugh, like what I always plan (eg. Finish my Physics ERT *jokes, it didn’t happen, I crammed*)) But since I’m near finishing school and I’m not that busy to not accomplish anything, I should set a plan for these weeks.

1. Be healthy. Be healthy. Be healthy.

I know people think that I’m skinny. I’m quite am, but hey, I have fat legs and big stomach. Sucks, I know. I bloat A LOT. So maybe, losing 5 kgs. is an okay plan.

2. Decide. Decide. Decide.

I’m still not decided of what I want to do in the future or let’s say for the rest of my life — my university course. I have some preference that I think, I’m 90% into it but that is still not definite. Pros, cons, whatevs, I have to figure it out.

3. Books. Books. Books.

As I’ve been usually saying, I’m engaging myself to books now. So in this holiday, my target is to read at least 3 books. Yaay! Sounds fun fun fun.

4. Photographs and all.

My life, photographs, I need them!

5. Blog. Blog. Blog.

I need someone, something if you like to share my thoughts with. I know people are going to judge but whatevs! Libertyyyyyyy!

2-Day Mixed Proc and Prod

Exams to come next week! Goodness, I'm still not sure if my review was enough to pass my first one tomorrow. Joookes, it seems like I'm just procrastinating the whole time. Hehe. So whilst I was procrastinating this afternoon, I took photos (This is mixed with vanity, too). I'm planning to put this up on my new blog and this should be my first post. Here are some of the photos I've taken. Hehe.

Forgive to fugly photographs.

Okay, I'm just gonna leave it there. No explicit fugly face for this post.

And crap, why am I feeling this chest pain since? Ohmy. :(

Before Anything Else

Feeling ko talaga hindi ako makakapag-aral ng mabuti hangga't hindi ko nailalabas 'to eh.

Naiinis ako sobra at dahil sa sobrang inis ko, naiiyak na lang ako. Bakit kaya 'pag ako, iba 'yung trato? 'Pag sa iba, mabuti namang tao. Ganito ba talaga ako? Anong meron? Pinipilit ko naman lahat para maging mabuting anak eh, bakit ba lagi akong nagaganito? Ako 'yung laging mali, ako tanga, ako suwail, ako gago, ako na lahat. Ni wala ngang nakitang maganda sa'kin kahit okay naman ako sa Acads, marami naman akong naachieve kahit sila 'yung laging dahilan kung bakit hindi 'yun natutuloy. Ano kayang mangyayari sa buhay ko na? Minsan parang gusto ko na lang na mawala dito sa mundo pero masama 'yun, alam ko. Sana lang maisip nila 'yung halaga ko, na kahit ganito naman nakakaramdam din ako. Paulit ulit ko namang sinasabi na masakit sa'kin kapag lagi niyang pinapamukha sa'kin na wala siyang pakialam sa'kin ah. Sobrang sakit. At sa tuwing laging may sinasabi sa'kin na hindi maganda na kahit pa sabihin mong pabiro lang, ang sakit sakit. Bakit hindi niya maisip 'yun? :(

Why?

You never take time to click my name on the chatbox and talk to me.
It's heartbreaking. Yes, it very much is.

I thought I've forgotten you and then you usually appear to be online and I miss you.

I wrote that as a draft. That whole bit up there but now I'm thinking... Oh, I should probably not give a crap.

Aspire!

It has been a long day. Well, it's actually not but it seems to be. I was just taking a break from doing my school stuff. And I'm pretty sure, it will be a pretty long night. It always is, by the way and to be honest.

I was walking with two of my friends a while ago and we were just talking about our future, our dreams, what do we want for our kids (though I don't want to be married for now neither on the future but we'll see) and just mainly about the future. One said, he doesn't want himself to just be something. And he doesn't want his kids to just be someone who took apprenticeship or something below that. No one wants to. I was just wondering, why do people settle for something for an "Yeah, I'll be alright with working full time on the department store." NO. Is it laziness? Is it because they don't believe themseleves? Or is that because striving hard is just too hard? I don't know but all I know is that, I'm challenged. I'm challenged, I'm having a hard time but I'm striving hard, very hard not to mention. Why? Not only for the reason that I want to be a professional or I want to be known as "The Tine" but because I want to prove to myself that I conquered the whole bloody 4 or maybe 5 years OH NO, 16 years in total and it's all paying. I'M STRONG. I WILL BE.

Not enough

Another rant. I have loads of schoolwork and other things to stress about. Saying that, I just thought: you don't wanna work hard, might as well do a course with a simple requirement. Yes, I'm seeing myself even further. that I don't really need a job that I will only fail because of my laziness. It's annoying. My actions annoy me but what can I do? I tried to change, many times and still, I'm stuck on this.

Drift

I hate the cliché quote that people just come and go in your life. I don't think they just come and go. I think they come and choose whether they will stay or go. I can't be sure with any of what I just said. Quite ironic, isn't it? But I guess if I leave a person's life, I leave it for a reason.

Damn, whilst writing this post, I just realised, many people apparently left me. They did! And for what reason? I don't know. Maybe they got sick of me, they got bored, they never wanted me, they used me, who knows? But I still feel no regrets for having them. They have become one of the best bits of my life. But if ever we become close again, I'll just let myself go with the flow but never treat them as if we were still that old close friends. Actually, that's one of my diseases. I couldn't let go of a friendship easily. But I think I'm healing now. I am now good at neglecting people who walked pass my life.

I'd like to thank though those who left me. You guys made me realise the real friendship and how it has to have the actual worth. Thank you for letting me learn! I will miss you all.

Day 8 - Your Favourite Internet Friend

For me, she's not just an internet friend, she's not just a friend either. She's a person who I can turn into -- ups, downs, in whatever spot of my roller coaster life. Hello, Owrie! It has been 3 years and I never had that reticent moment with you. We share secrets and nothing else in the world can deny that you are one of my best friggin', hot, smokin' friend.

I will always be here, Beb. Thanks for the friendship and everything. I miss you! :*

Love,
Beb.

Day 7 - Your ex-boyfriend, love, crush

I totally forgot that I entered this challenge! But this is a good comeback. :)
Ex-lover? I can't really tell if he's an ex. I can't make it sure to myself that I don't feel anything for him and neither can I confirm that I have moved from it. Just to be sure for this post though, I think what I'm feeling is nothing. Well, not nothing at all. I feel plain and fine. I'm not into that stuff but in case something gets back, then maybe I'll feel it again (or he will). But yea, I'm going to write about that person. I'll call him Kay.

Hi, Kay! I miss you and I miss you a lot. I blogged about you last time, have you seen it? Yea, you haven't but that's okay. But for the record, not a single neither a thousand even a million blog posts can express how much I am deeply under your spell and not even a single word can explain how much grief I feel for myself, for not giving us a chance. It was a mistake I would never ever ever forget and will always regret. I love you seems to be a cliché but I don't care, I love you.
Damn, have I been showing superb drama here?

I wish some time, maybe if we were really meant together, you will and fate will find our way. I don't wanna talk about the "if not"bit. I don't know how to approach you, I don't know how to talk to you anymore. But if it's really not for us, I'll be happy for you. I miss you. I miss the before. I miss us. I'll miss you. Let destiny hold this for us. BUT I'LL PRAY.

'Til here, AAA. ☺

Weekend General Update

When did I last blog? I can't remember but the past few days had been a roller coaster ride (inspired by the roller coaster I didn't have the guts to ride on @ Seaworld)

So Thursday? I thought the day would just flow fine. But that's just what I thought. A fight happened and I did nothing but walk on our backyard and just do my schoolworks (actually, procrastinate). I checked out blogs, posted photographs, etc. I have no idea how to solve that problem so I remained just like the usual.

Friday, I woke up at 6. IT'S OUR SEAWORLD TRIP! I know I something yet unsolved was there for me, the problem that occurred the day before that but I told myself to just have fun on the day. I couldn't do anything. The whole day, I was with my friends. As I went home, it feels quiet but everyone treated me fine. I went into my room, just checked my twitter and Facebook account then slept at 7:30 PM. I was quite tired that day and the next day of that, I have somewhere to go.

Saturday, I opened my eyes at 7 AM but got up by 8. My father, brother and sister were watching the opening of London Olympics as I woke up. I missed the one for Australia but I didn't miss the one from Philippines. :) It was good. 8-9, I sorted myself out. From 9, I started to walk from our house to the mall where we were suppose to meet. We ate to where we usually eat and as usual, it was soooo good (except for their sauce, it changed!!!) We had fun, basically! As I went home, there the wrong thing goes. Something I can't explain through this post. I wish though as I am writing this, everything is fine. :(

But I don't think those worries should be a hindrance of my heavy school load. I am not really busy, I am just too lazy to update and accomplish everything.

And myself ~

I really like talking about myself. It's like I can answer a hundred of About Me section on a site.

Hi! Physically? I'm small. I have short but muscle-y legs. I don't consider myself fat but my weight is not entirely proportional with my height (and sometimes, I hate that). But what can I do? Nothing but enjoy it! Sometimes, I really feel inferior that I'm small but usually I just make the most advantage out of it.

Green is my favourite colour and coming next to it is red. And I have many favourite movies. I like Jane Austen, John Green and Neil Gaiman books. I love photography (I'm an aspiring photographer, actually) and I like reading books, too. I like Indie music and sometimes, Hip-hop stuff.

I always appear to be busy, I don't know why. I'm nocturnal and that explains my midnight tweets and other acts. I like clingy people. I think people who think that you are special within their lives are amazing. I like being treated as a close or a best friend but I treat one as my my my best friend.
I'm quite scared of being badly judged. I don't know what has been my orthodox regarding judgments. But usually, I accept them. I'm a pessimist. I always think that I'm gonna fail or I'm gonna drop my grades or our scientific experiment won't work out. High expectations may lead to failure could be one of my excuse why I'm a negative thinker.

I think pictures and letters are priceless. I hate losing. I'm a warrior in the making.

Day 6 - A stranger

I like talking to strangers (but only if they're within my age).

Hi Stranger! I hope we could meet soon, know each other and talk. :) I can't wait for that day. Nothing I can say, really 'cause I'm a stranger to you as well. :)

From Exam

Meeeeeeh. I, with the other hundreds of students did the test I've been talking about before. Sad 'cause I know I won't be able to use it and sad that I'm gonna fail. (Yes, a real pessimist here). I was suppose to take a photo of what I wore but I already removed my shoes as I stepped inside the house. Mehehehe. And with that saying, this is now my official, very updated blog (Does that connect? HAHA).

Today? Did the test. UQ is really an awesome school. From the buildings to the people and the whole thing, I can tell, that's the uni I wanna go (and hopefully will).
Okay, so I think I did this exam for the experience. So far, I'm pretty okay with the course preference but I'm still having a bit of a hesitation to some of them.

That's it for the moment. Ohhh, I still need to do the challenge!

I don't wanna lose it

I hate how much I respect people who can't just let me go and respect me back.
I was pretty pissed right now and I couldn't be any relieved so I had to blog about this.

The event that made pissed me off is too shallow. No, the other person involved who I respect the most is too shallow that I can't take how much miserable I am feeling right now. I wonder how she feels when she speaks very dismissive about me. And with that, I'm telling that this hasn't happened just now, it happened so many times before.

And the fact that that person is part of my family? It just breaks me.

I've posted this photo on my Flickr and Tumblr account.

I was testing some tricks on my camera and did my fave shot, the whip-my-hair shot! It ended up like this:

Yaaayks! Monochrome + some shutter manipulation. I covered my face because I don't like it on that photograph.

Tadaaaa! Such an amateur :(

To Do: July 23

I'm missing school today (NOT FOR VANITY!!!) But because of that Physics I blogged about yesterday.
I really hope that I can be productive today 'cause if not, I'm gonna take the risk of rushing things, pulling time allotted for my sleep AND WORST, FAILING THIS.
But no, that's not gonna happen!

And to start, here I have my timetable for the day.
10AM-12AM: Physics-related stuff.
12AM-1PM : Watch Ellen? Chill or have a shower.
1PM-4PM: UMAT stuff.
4PM-4:30PM: Probably chill? (Men, I told myself before I write this to make time for photoshoot. Fail, as you can see)
4:30PM- potentially 12MN: HARDCORE PHYSICS (but will check blogs, eat between that time)

So, how's that? :)

Same Mistake

No, I'm not gonna talk about 1D's song ( I love it though! =))) )

This post is something about Person B or A (I forgot!). She is nice. And then her friend went away for quite some time then opened up something to me. I don't want to be mean so I just went to the flow of everything, just like how we used to talk. I'm pretty sure she has noticed that I was aloof the past few days. But still, I talked to her, laughed with her, shared stories with her. And now, as the title says "Same Mistake" I did it again. She did it again. Her "BEST FRIEND" came back and I was another piece of rubbish again for her, was set aside and waiting when is she gonna cling to me again. But no, I'm really hoping to not be there for her anymore. She doesn't realize what it is to be ignored, to be just a virtual booty-call. The wrong thing I've done perhaps was I went online on Facebook chat (that's when she started talking to me again.)

Almost a "break"

Hopping on my blog to update it whilst waiting the clock to strike 5:00.

Yaaay. It's almost the end of the weekend. No. Actually, I can't consider this as a "weekend" but I've treated it as a weekend! (If that makes sense?) So here's the thing: I'm suppose to do schoolworks but I end up going almost nowhere and finishing almost nothing. This Physics Assessment is quite killing me. I hate how I am so lazy for everything most especially for studying something by myself (so I wish our teacher would realize how hard it is to do an assessment piece that is barely actually, NOT TAUGHT to us Physics student). But I have no choice but do this. And the aftermath of that choice is something good, something I can prove and brag about to myself. I'm cool. I can do this. The writer of this post can kill that Physics because she's awesome. Yes, she surely is.

Day 5 - Your Siblings

Ohhh. This was the one that I missed.

To the younger peoooopzzzz,

I LOVE YOU, first and foremost. Ate always will. We fight because of simple things, we laugh at stupid stuff, we make funny faces, guess what? That's what we're binding us, the happiness, love and everything.

I really wish you two could achieve whatever you want to be in life. I will support you no matter what. I will try my hardest to protect you.

Love,
Ate.

Indecisive Part 1

Aside from being unable to focally work on my school stuff, my future or should I say what will I be is bugging me at the moment.

I used to dream of only one thing: to be a journalist, a broadcaster or anything in media. From the beginning 'til the end of my HS, I've dreamt of being there. But things change and my dreams changed, too. I want to be a doctor. But some part of me speaks for my old dream. What shall I do? It may sound like but it doesn't look like a heart-vs.-head matter. It's more of a heart-vs.-heart, brain-vs.-brain stuff. Was the double degree created because of this dilemma? Was it really? I wish my mind could work on this very soon. The odd part of this problem is I'm way too excited for this application.

Day 4- Your Dreams

What a nice day to write something about this!

I'm working so hard to have you, you know that. Whatever it takes, I will never surrender into reaching all of you.
I'm sorry if I waste most of the time doing something else instead if giving it into the thing I need to do to achieve you.

We'll meet soon.

Changing: That's Goodbye?

Disclaimer: No love/more-than-friends relationship involved within this post.

A friend always has to be a good listener. But does a listener always have to be a friend?

I've listened to much. Why couldn't I be treated as 'the friend?' Did you just use me? Was I just called because you had no one? Or was I just called because I was the only one? I'm not sure but I'm tired. Tired to be a virtual 'booty call', tired waiting when are you gonna need me, tired between everything in our 'friendship.' Or is it?

I have a story here. Almost the same thing but two different people. Pretty sure I'll be talking about the same people again soon within this blog so I'll assign a codename for them. (Okay, now I just can't think of a codename) Okay, Person A and Person B. Let's say Person A is a boy and Person B is a girl.


Person A was a friend. We understand each other, we feel each other's emotions, we are pretty much almost the same. And that similarity of ours made us closer. Closer. Our talks meant so much to me. All the things I thought I was the only one who has been suffering was also felt by her. The feeling was... great! It's nice -- having someone who could understand you! Until a drama hit me, he wasn't valuing me as much as I value him. I almost thought he was the 'best friend' during those times. I almost thought he cares about me as much as I had. But no, everything I thought was just when-I-have-no-one-to-talk-to situation for him. And whenever I see if he has something to tell or share with me, I always fail to feel I was remembered. And most of the time, I don't see myself being acknowledged as something or anything by that person. It sucks, really. Fact, he was feeling this way as well -- that no one cares about him, that he's the one who reaches people, that he wasn't remembered at times, that he doesn't have anyone at all. Well, what the heck? You feel that because you, yourself do it to others, to me who really cared about you.


Is person B still a friend? Who knows? She came to me a while ago and told me that 'she misses me.' Oh well, what can I say? She actually unfollowed me on twitter. I'm just not too sure if that's intentional. Whenever the other friend is not around, there she calls me. Do I need to elaborate? I believe, yes. She has been my friend, has always been my friend. We confide to each other, we share secrets, almost everything! But why is it that I feel this way?


I'd like to thank the both of you. Thank you for once being a friend. Well, we'll still be friends but I'm not gonna be the one who is a reserve, waiting for you when you need me. Thank you for making me feel so awesome, so grateful of having you as friends.
I'm sorry. Sorry 'cause I won't make it up to the next time. Sorry 'cause I won't be around when you have no one. Sorry 'cause I'm not gonna be reaching upon you anymore.
I wish though that can do all of this.


So, I suppose this covers the entire drama? Bye.

Day 3 - Your Parents

Ma and Pa,
Thank you! Sorry!

I'm sorry. I'm stubborn, I can't be contented, I'm a pain. Sorry for not listening to you. Sorry for not being able to just follow and realize that you, my parents know what is better for me. I'm sorry for being all of these.


I know I've been an insurgent daughter and a miserable person towards you. But after all, you had and have always been there for me. Thank you for not letting me down and accepting me even though I've been a terrible person throughout that span of time. Thank you for always understanding me, for letting me do what I thought would make me happy, for not making me feel like I'm still lucky to have you.


And to the fullest of my ability, I will change for you, for myself, that those mistakes were lessons and I am here, correcting them and going through life with those lessons.


I love you.


The eldest,
CJ ✌

Biglaan talaga 'to

Naiiyak ako, sobra. P!@#$%^&*(. Ang hirap ng taong may laging nanghuhusga sa'yo, nang kahit may konting bagay na gawin ka lang mayroon at mayroon silang masasabi. Malala pa, hindi mo kilala. Pero medyo malayo na 'yung hindi kilala, sabihin na lang natin na kilala nga ako ng konti. Pero isa pa sa mga totoong malala, ang dali kong maguilty sa mga bagay na 'di sigurado. Bwisit lang, 'diba? Ang dami kong problema sa sarili ko.

Kung pwede lang sana na i-unfollow ako, i-unfriend o i-block nila ako, mas magiging okay sa'kin 'yun eh. Eh hindi eh, sa kahit anong paraan, walang mangyayari, andun at andun 'yung makikita nila 'yung post ko at makikita ko 'yung kanila/kanya. 'Wag ka na lang magsalita. Ayun na lang siguro o kaya naman 'wag mo na sabihin online at 'yung tipong mababasa ko pa.

Basta ako, sana 'wag kong mapansin ulit 'yung mga ganitong bagay.

Explore Uni Day At QUT (July 12, 2012)

Forgot to update yesterday 'cause I was really tired - bed then slept straightaway. How's that? :)

So yesterday, we went to QUT for their 'Explore Uni' event. Luckily, I was one who had the chance to go!

From there, I could tell, QUT is a fun place to be for students. I love their accommodating staff and students, the facilities and of course, the freebies! (I haven't tried UQ though. Hihi)

Until now, I still have the what-course-to-take at Uni dilemma but just yesterday, I think I was further enlightened of what I want to do. (But then again, I have to see how it is in UQ. But let's talk about QUT for the moment.)

The course that I most likely want to go in is at QUT and somehow, I take the 'what-I-really-want-to-do' thing into consideration when thinking of what course I should go into. Also, I can study another language there. Yaaay, how exciting! I've always wanted to learn another language (most likely French). But yea, I have a month to decide and 3 months to be able to make it into the course I think I want!

These are the freebies! (the thing I really like about going to Universities.)

This one's really cool. It's a mini notebook.

 And inside.. TAAA-DAAA! Colorful mini doodles!

The booklet of the three departments I wanna go into.

Free tumbler and of course, a bag.

At the end, they gave us a certificate of attendance. Yahoo!

I've learned a lot of things: of what is Uni like and the things that I need to accomplish. I guess, this will serve as a good start for the semester!

Day 2 - Your Crush

Hi! :">
I know you won't get the chance to read this but just so you know, I admire you. I admire you not because you are good-looking or physically attractive but because I just think you have that aura that I was attracted to. Thank you for the short-term inspiration. Good luck with your life!

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

To my best friend, 

No his, no hellos, I miss you.

It's been a long time since we last met. I wonder what changes happened to you. I've missed you.
I hate how we only got the chance to meet once when we had actually been apart for four years. It sucks, you know.
Soon, you're gonna be graduate, a registered nurse and I am very excited for you. No matter what lies ahead, no matter how down or grateful you'll be in the future, I'll be here, always be here.

You're the only one that I have when everyone else run away and seek their own best friends or do stuff within themselves. You're the only one that I have when I thought I had no one. Thank you. And thank you for not letting others take part of my place as your best. Thank you for making me feel so welcomed in your family and to everyone else who's important to you.

I really wish we could be together, see each other everyday, hang out probably. I need you.

I could never say anything more but I love you and you will always be that one person who even though have overshadowed by time, place and any physical impediments, will always be my best friend.

Love,
Your best friend.

30-day Letter Challenge

My tumblr followers (I'm not famous, just a blogger) that I'm really bad at doing challenges. I tend to miss a day or just stop doing it. But now, I really and shall do this one. (Hehehe. Hope I can!)

To Do: July 9

It's Monday again! And as what I've said to my past post, it's another semester and not to mention, the most important one.

Since I really need to be coordinated and time-wise, I've set a time plan for my night and I also told myself that I'm gonna be taking a mini hiatus from other SNS. See, I've received really low marks last term (not actually that low but not seems not enough for me). It really made me feel bad and sad that I blamed myself for not focusing and spending my time wisely.

For today, what I want to accomplish is the first bit of my Physics assessment piece and a bit of Math. Potential bedtime I'd say shall be 12 midnight otherwise I'm gonna suffer another sleep-deprived punishment (just like the usual).

Shall post another thing later, bye for now!

Just began.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another semester (another term for mental destitution) for me.
And today marks the beginning of my SNS hiatus. Not that I'm not gonna update everything but I'm gonna be active updating my blogs.


I just thought some people are obnoxious. I'm not a hater, I think I'm feeling a bit cranky today. But oh well, what can I do, this is how the coordination of my mind and heart works.

That's the bad side. Happy to announce but my motivation for studying is quite coming back! I have a week to finish my Physics assessment and this whole term (3 months?) to prove myself. From tomorrow until August, I'll have 3 very important test: QCS, UMAT and my license. I really hope I could fit everything in. No, I will fit and do my best in everything.

'Til soon!

Holiday

Last Saturday, we went to Movie World and Sea World. Yes, we went to those places in a day.
As usual, I didn't ride on anything 'cause I have this phobia my friends know (Don't know but I feel like not mentioning it. Hehe.)
First stop: Movie World. Looove the shops right there! ♡ And I've finally bought my Batman bag!

Next stop, we watched the Stunt Drivers! Yaaaay. Drifting cars, etc.

I guess this photo is too good to be a drawing.

Dayuuum, who drew this?!

 And the finale, the fire.

 My brother won this hat to a game. Reggae-ish, whaddup?

After Movie World, we've decided to spend the other half of the day to Sea World. We rest for a while, had a little picnic and went to Sea World!

The first thing I saw as we entered was this: Yaaayks! Bikini Bottom!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? :)

 The presence of the fountain made me test the shutter. So there was the one! How did I go?

Sea World currently has this dinosaur thing. I LIKE THE LIGHTS.

After the dinosaurs, we went to see the Dolphin Show. It was actually my 4th time to see that but it doesn't matter, I still enjoyed it!

And after the long day, we head back home. The sky was cool that time. It was almost sunset and the horizon is tad magnificent for that day. Unlucky for me, I didn't get a good shot of it. But after all, I still took a photo! :)

Trying Not To Care Could Be The Best Way

I've had a MS Word-draft of a post but I thought, I'm gonna think again before posting that.
That draft relates to my unending social distress and to this.

I was socially forsaken. I am alone. 
These past few days, actually almost all the time during the past and even now, I've never felt being remembered. Like, that feeling of not really existing from the lives of the people whom you care a lot. Maybe people do if I do the first move. It's just a bit awful -- of how you cared to other people when no one actually remembers you.

Maybe I'm just exaggerating events or probably, I should really be the independent one. I always say I am but now, it's all coming back. As if, I'm really not the person who could live without venting. But that should change, that must change. I will depend on myself from now on, just like the normal thing. I'll still be the same with my friends but won't expect too much support from them. Still, I'll be thankful that I have them in my life and my bind with them won't change.

As for now, what I know is I'll stand by myself and not expect others to care about me. Perhaps keep secrets to myself, in this room where I carry on everything of my being.

What Do I Really Want To Do?

Time when I have to decide which career I shall take will soon come. I am eyeing to something but I still want to do other things than that.

I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR.
The actual goal. I will help those kids who have cancer and I will cure my patients to the fullest that I can. I couldn't talk more 'cause I know I'll end up doing this.

I WANT TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER/ARTIST.
A professional one. I always talk about this, that I am into taking photographs, capturing moments and all that sort of thing. This track is way too far from Health Science though but as early as now, I've been trying to learn stuff about cameras. Yaaaayks! Which is really great 'cause in that way, I need not spend more time in the future learning this stuff.


I WANT TO BE A JOURNALIST.
The former dream. Not good at writing anyway so I guess it was a better idea not to choose this path. And besides, I could be the journalist of my own way through blogging! ♡ Maybe wanting to be a journalist is just more of being "I WANT TO BE THIS" rather that "I'M GOOD AT THIS." Did that make sense? So like what I've said, I wanted to be a journalist but deep down, I know I won't excel 'cause I'm not a good writer. I could be a reader but I'm just not too sure if that would help. Maybe this is really not for me.


I WANT TO SPEAK FRENCH.
FRENCH MAJOR/INTERNATIONAL STUDIES. Weew, perhaps this is the other side of me. Like my friend had said, "the edge of life" and learning how to speak French, is part of it! :)


I WANT TO BE IN THEATER.
Even just a production staff or something else, I'd love to be a part of it. I ALWAYS WISH I COULD SING.  ('cause I'm a super fan of broadway) Contrastingly, I was given the talent to dance and I'm very happy about that!




If only I can do multiple courses at once, then I won't be this puzzled on what to do in the future. :(